The art of saying "No"

Title

Creator

Hermias, Lourdes A.

Language

English

Year

1964

Rights

In Copyright - Educational Use Permitted

Fulltext

lectures and discussions, each member imparts his knowledge to and learns from others. In this way, he improves in his specialized field and he gets a look over the shoulders into the other fields. To this end, The Fellowship has initiated a 5 o’clock Club limited to members who meet almost daily at five o’clock in the afternoon. There the members take turns in giving informal talks. It holds a monthly colloquium or a discussion session on a range of subjects. The organization also invites authorities to give lectures on their chosen field. Thus, the aims of stimulating intellectual growth and promoting general education are brought into fruition. To unveil hidden talents, the members are exposed to a wide range of activities an<t interest. Members are encouraged to participate in varied activities and explore different interests. In this way, avenues for self-improvement are provided for. The Fellowship does not confine itself to books. It also takes interest in the arts, in music, in forensics, and in many others. The organization is not a mere mass of curiosity-seekers flocking together, but it is a brotherhood, a closely-knit society where members mutually give and take. Indeed, it has the atmosphere of true and wholesome fellowship. While it keeps its doors wide open, it resists the temptation of large membership. At present, it has only around thirty active members. What has The Fellowship done in its short span of existence? What it has done may not be colossal and spectacular but certainly worthwhile. It has sponsored lectures. Among them were “Lepidoptera Mosaic” by Prof. Julian Jumalon, President, Lepidoptera Society of the Philippines, and “The Weather” by Prof. Alejandro Tantoco, Head, Cebu Office, Weather Bureau. It has sponsored an annual inter-departmental Quiz-Bowl Contest. It held a recognition ceremony where Certificates of Appreciation were awarded to those who had helped attain its objectives and Certificates of Merit to eleven of its members for scholastic excellence during the two preceding semesters. To be repetitious, it has had the 5 o’clock Club with its almost daily session, and it has initiated a monthly colloquium. All work and no play, they say, makes Jack a dull boy. And so The Fellowship went out in a combined historical tour of Mactan Island and excursion to Marigondon beach. It gathered together too at the Audio-Visual Center (Continued on page 22) THE ART OF SAYING IMU by LOURDES A. HERMIAS NO is but a quaint word in the English language, yet it can inject endless sorrows to the heart more than any other word. It can hurt feelings and create ill-will and indifference. It can break hearts as well as topple castles in the air. You see how a child reacts when his mother gives a firm "No" to his childish whims and caprices. Being unsatisfied, the child makes use of his tactics — from hugs to kisses to his ultimate resort — tears, but to no avail. Watch how a forlorn lover blankly, desperately and longingly gazes at a seemingly murky heaven because he has been denied the most wonderful thing one can never have. And just how would you feel yourself if someone gives your petition the flat brush-off especially when you have reasons to believe that it doesn’t deserve such? Surely, there would be an intolerable sting within you, more often than not followed by a feeling of disgust for the person who deprived you of your desire. These are but a few illustrations of a person's reaction to a "No". However, this is not so astonishing since a person always wants to get what he desires at any cost, by any means. It is a bit comforting that above this desire is a person’s sense of duty to refrain, at least, from hurting his fellow creature and if possible, to lend him a helping hand and please him in one way or the other. One doesn't want to say "No", much less be its recipient. This is, however, impossible since actually, a person cannot have all he desires. A person may say "No" because he deems it right to refuse since the effects may prove detrimental to his well-being as well as to others, or he may say "No" to express his incapability to undertake a task or a favor. In either case, he has to say "No." Nevertheless, something can be done to counteract the painful effect of a "No". What one needs is tact. As yet, you may or may not have developed this tact, this art of saying "No" with or without just a small degree of hurt. It is worthwhile developing. And this is how you may start. As a paratrooper uses a parachute to save himself from a deadly, direct fall, give a person a buffer to cushion the impact of your "No." Do not just bat an eyelash, shake your head and say "No" coldly. Graciously tell him why you have to say "No." Give him not mere reasons but real, logical, convincing reasons, not excuses, for these won't do any good. Use words that express the positive rather than words that are austere and stabbing. Make him feel that you are sincerely sorry and that you don't really mean to hurt him. He will know by your voice and facial expression. Furthermore, offer him any assistance that may compensate for your "No." If there is nothing you can do, then a gracious smile, an assuring pat on the shoulder or a friendly handclasp will do much to soothe the ache. Saying "No" with tact and graciousness will be an asset to your personality. You'll find yourself making real friends more and hurting your fellow men less. THE CAROLINIAN Page 21 SUMMER ISSUE 1964

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