Heart to Heart

Media

Part of The Cross

Title: Heart to Heart
Language: English
Year: 1951
Rights
Fulltext: Dear Miss Marlene, I am in love with a girl who is just out of the convent due to slight, nasal defect. H'e are both religious and of marriageable age (matured age). We belong to the same religious society. I love her very much and I intend to marry her any time as I am financially able. I think that we will live together very happily. She answered me however that it is almost impossible for her to agree to my proposal as she had her vow of virginity. So Miss Marlene what shall I do? Troubled Conscience Dear Troubled Conscience, It is my understanding thot a dispensation from -the Vow of Virginity may be obtained from the proper Ecclesiastical authorities. I suggest consultation with your priest or bishop, giving all the pertinent details, and I om sure that you will receive the needed assistance. Dear Miss Marlene, I am sixteen years old and at present a second year college student. I have so many friends and I am in love with a boy friend of mine who is seventeen years old but not exactly what you call “love". It’s just still a simple love. T am fond of him, I like his ways and character, and his way of dressing. We have been classmates and friends. Incidentally, we are always together in school activities. He hales dancing and parties while I like it, but I adopt myself to the things he likes for we have what you call “mutual understanding". He admires me most and no other and even tells his family about me. His family, indeed, is so nice and good to me. For two years, we have been writing each other seeking advice. He is at present studying in another city. I am afraid he might change later especially he is far. I do not intend to enter in love affairs seriously and be engaged either, not until I am old enough. I would like to hold him 26 APRIL, 1951 27 until we are old enough to be in Ifive.. 1 would like him to be my lifetime partner. How can I hold him during these years . X Dear X, You sound like o sensible young lady, especially when you admit that girts of sixteen should not think seriously of love. Nothing would be more disastrous for you and your friends than to give up the pleasant, carefree, joyous existence of youth for the responsibilities ond problems of adulthood. Try to realize that the tastes of youth change rapidly. For girls of your age it is the most natural thing in the world to imagine yourselves desperately in love with a fellow one day and change your mind the next. You are still growing up, physically, intellectually, and emotionally. Give yourself a break; do not handicap yourself at this stage by concentnoting on one single boy from whose affections you will not care a whit when the proper time comes for marriage. Just keep on being friends with him and with a lot of other nice boys and girls, and you will never be sorry. Dear Miss Marlene, I hope seriously that your advice will enlighten my understanding with regards to my problem. Just last week I broke with the man whom I love with a love developed through years of engagement. He’s a fine young man of 20 years old and a senior High School. I’m also 18 years old and a Junior in High School. We tvent steady for two years and my parents often complained about his health. Because three or four months after our engagement, he got a disease said to be contagious. In spite of this I stick to him because I love him, tho' I dont know whether he cares for me or not. Day after day I pray for his health, because I know Qod would clear him soon of that disease. Here lies my problem: I did not break with him because of his health, but because he’s after another girl right here in our city. I know not what to do, all I know is that I love him still. I’m terribly heartbroken, because in him I’ve found the real feeling of love through frequent companionship. With this condition of mine, I know Jesus calls for me to help Him bear the Cross. But just as I broke with the said fellow above, I accepted a suitor who is in Manila now.. .He’s finer than the fellow above, but I’m not so madly in love with him. So then, did I think of the convent. Can I enter the convent without graduating the High School. Please Miss Marlene, help me to 28 THE CROSS choose whether to bear Christ's cross to the House of the Lord, to be secluded from the world or bear man's burden of uncertainty. Rom cal Dear Romzal, Your whole letter demonstrates what happens when too young and immature minds occupy themselves with affairs that properly belong to keep on praying. Then when the time comes and you are old enough to make up your mind permanently, you will be better equipped to make the proper choice. I'ear Miss Marlene, In my childhood days I had been attracted by a life of solitude. 1 had resolved to enter the convent at the age of 30. When I was barely sixteen or seventeen my love towards God greatly throbbed in my heart. So if possible I’ll enter the convent after graduation. My parents are against my will and one time mother scolded me. She chided me of my pfecious time spent in prayers. According to her, she is not opposed to adoring God, but if it is done excessively she’ll be displeased. At night when I pray, she watches me and when I commit mistakes she talks of things with regards to my prayers. I changed my plans that I must pray at midnight without using any light. I tried it out but I fell sleepy and my prayers seem weary. Truly for more than a week I was unable to pray the holy Rosary. I feel as if my life is insecure. • Now what advice can you give me with regards to my situation? a) Can you assure me that I can enter the convent in the Contemplative order? b) Would it be alright to pursue my studies and serve my parents first. c) Which is advisable — to cling to my ambition, having a characteristic dislike of society, or to change my life anew and enjoy the world. Lourdes Dear Lourdes, An inclination to the religious life is a precious gift, to be nurtured and cherished as befits the greatest vocation in life. However, you are still too young to be certoin-about your choice of a state of life. Also, since you are not yet of age, you are duty-bound to respect your parents' wishes. So I would advise you to finish your studies first. At the same time. APRIL, 1951 29 do not shun a good wholesome social life, because a well-developed personality makes for success not only in the secular but also in the religious life. Keep praying and doing your duty, and when the proper time comes, Our Lady will surely show you the way. Dear Miss Marlene, "I a>n practically 30 years old. I have never had a girl-friend (that is Gpd’s truth). I envy men who have and ■ wonder how in thunder can they acquire one. So far in life, I have been successful in pen-pal correspondence, having come in contact with different penfriends since 1939. At present I am one of the members of Aunt Lina’s Circle. But, never in my years of correspondence with these female penfriends has the idea of courting one of them come into my mind. The thought of doing so, would be the contradiction of the word pen-friend. / have been friend, confidante and even brother to all of them. Their problems relating to life in general. 1 have some female-friends, but when I start wooing them, they turn cold and they won’t speak with me anymore. As long as they are just friends, they are good listeners to my wit and to my sense of humor, but when I start getting romantic, they freeze (like the weather nowadays). I have courted 2 or 3 times, but I have received the same answers, that I lost interest on that matter. I have become fickle-minded. There are times that the one where I do out Shower my attentions is the one interested and the one where my attentions are concentrated is as cool as the ice-freezer. Incidentally, I am not a good dancer, I know only the slow-drag. But rather bowl, bike or go to show, rather than attend a party. What would be the steps wherein I can win over a g.f.. Miss Marlene? What is the thing that keeps me slow? How can I defroze the women I am interested in? Tell me how to solve this dilemma Dear H. H. A., H-H.A. Not knowing you personally, and from the meagre description you give of yourself in your letter, it would be presumptious of me to pretend to know the couse of your failure in courting. Perhaps there is really nothing the matter with you, since other girls seem to have found you interesting. It may be that in God's divine pion, the time for you to get married has not yet come. However, here are seme tips as to what a girl generally finds desirable in the man she wants to marry: He must be. of sterling diaracter, trustworthy, unselfish, considerate, and cooperative. Ho should have a steady 30 THE CROSS job, be industrious and hard-working. He should be friendly, kind, loyol, and true; on interesting companion, thoughtful and adaptable. He must hove clean personal habits, a gentleman in words as well as in deeds. So start checking up ' on yourself, will you? bear Miss Lily Marlene, What is Love? When can we say that' we are in love? How can can we detect whether a person is in love with us or not? What are the outward manifestations of a person in love? Frankly speaking, I think I am in love with a girl. But until now, I am not sure whether I am really in love or just infatuated with her. Well, I am determined to marry her. Suppose time comes when I lose my affections for her, can she say that I just fooled around with her? Is it wrong to court more than one girl at the same time? Even just for finding out whom I really love? When we buy something, we select. Is not courting the process of selecting the right girl for our partner in life? And selection implies more than one object. What factors inflame this passion, love, and what extinguish it? Some boys told me that embracing, kissing and the like makes girls love more. I have not experienced those things because they are sins if we commit them. Do you think that they are correct? Is breaking an engagement a sign that the couple are not really in love, as they have thought before? Since I fell in love with this girl, I lost interest in any other girls, Even how beautiful, lovely, and charming they are, they just cannot attract me because all that is in my mind is the girl I love. In spite of the merriments of the social functions I have attended in our town, I was never happy because she is not with me, we being from distant places. I am always craving for her companionship, but we have never been together in any affair. Now, I do not like to associate with any other girls for reasons I do not know. Am I right, Miss Marlene, and if I am wrong how can you correct me? In Love Dear In Love, Yes, you seem to have all the symptoms one usually associates with the complicated and inexplicable phenomenon that is this thing called "love*'. As to the rest oh your questions, I would refer you to a very instructive pamphlet that just about covers all your doubts: "Modern Youth and Chastity" by Father Gerard Kelly, S.J." < Ed.—This excellent pamphlet may be ordered thru The Cross. —Only P0.70 including postage.