Laughter is Legal.pdf

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extracted text: LAUGHTER IS LEGAL A LETTER TO THE TAX COLLECTOR ANONYMOUS YOU HAVE BEEN TH.YING to collect an income tax balance. from one R ..... R .... ., late of Winchendon, Massachusetts. This, despite the far,t that you have been informed, several times, that the man in question departed fr::im this wicked world on May 11, 1943, leaving no estate to be administered but many sorrowing creditors who wished that he had. Now you send a final notice to this deliquent that you hoid a warrar:t of distraint for the ~aid taxpayer. In these circumstances, the family and friends of the deceased have given this problem a thorough intellectual mastication, after which, they retained me in the name of their departed relative and friend to convey to you the sum total of their collective wisdom and co-operative spirit. If you should decide to send a U.S. Marshal or other off;cer t<i serve the warrant, you will find the taxpayer, his kith an<l kin avow, comfortably ensconced in a cubicle 7 x 3 x 6 in St. Mal'v'1> Cemetery on Glenallen Street in .said Winchendon. Your M:l ~·i,al might first try whistling. If that brings no response, p:a.ce ;, pint of Johnny Walker <Black label> within arm's reach of the to11bFtone. If that doesn't bring him up, then you will surely know tr.at he is deader than a doornail. If your Marshal kno~s how fo, commune with the dead, he might be ~hie to coax " the fellow to explain his apparent delinquency. However, if your Marshal is in no hu1Ty - and I nf:ver saw one that was - let him bring some sandwichl's and a comfot·tahfo chair with him and sit himself down with a COJJY of "Forevf:r Amber" and wait amund until Ressurrection Day. On that Day of Days, the man you are looking for will undoubtedly stand up for a ghost. ly seventh-inning stretch, at which time the warrant can be Ferved. Ano"~her happy thought might be of added cons0lation to ~'OU. If the taxpayer refuses to budge until he hears Gabriel blow his horn, don't let it bother you. For on that day, when th(' dead I shall live again, you will be able to demand, not on\; the tax due but also you clo'n ask for interest to the Day of Judgment. What you get from this guy alone will be enough to pay f.lff all t.hc, ira. ~ tional debt :iccumul.ated during the past golden decade. If you a!·e a good Democrat - as you should be - thRt feat alone should entitle you to a gi·eat reward in th!:' gre11t Hereafter. There is one possible hitch to this happy thought. You sec, my dear Colleetor, it all depends on whether the m~n you want is in Heaven or in Hell. If he's in Heavf'n, you have nothing to worry about - your money is as good "lS a Victcry Ilond. But, if by chance he should be in the other place, I'm afraid you're going te have a hell of a time. becE.use some damn-fool lawyer is sure to get hoid of him and put him through banhuptc~'· Then, you'll be out of luck for fair. But meantime, do as I suggest. Go down to see him and have a little chat with him. He may t.ell you where his permanent domicile is, in which case you'll know where you can go if you w;i.nt y.:mr money. If y:>u should decide to ta.lk to him, will you be good enough to tell him that my charge for writing this letter is $5.00 and that I don't want to go chasing all over Hell for it. Sa.id section reads as follows: "'SEC. 2319. l,etting of t1mnieipal ft rry, market, or salughterhouse to highest bidder.- When any ferry, market, or slaughterhouse belonging to a municipalit.y is to be let to a private party, the same shall, unless otherwise directed by the Department Head, be let to the highest and best bidder for the period of one year or, upon the previous approval of the provincial board, for a longer period not exceeding five years, urder such conditions as shall be prescribed by the Department Head.' "We cannot agree with appellant in her interpr;;itations of the above-quoted section. Said section clearly refers to the letting or leasing of a ferry, mark~t or slaughterhouse in its entirety, to a private party to be operated by the lattc1·. For instance, when a municipality does not wish to operate a slaughterhouse by administration but prefors to have a private party or {:ntity operate 1·he same for, 1' fixed sum, for a pel'iod of say one year, unrler certaiJJ conditions, the Council calls for bidders and then makes the. ward to the best and most responsible bidder. The same Client (just acquitted on bm.·glary charge) - "Well, goodbye. I'll drop in on you some time." Counsel - "All right, but make it in the daytime, please." "I shall have to give you ten days or $20," said the judge. I'll take the $20, Judge," - said t.he prisoner. '•Repeat the words the defendant used," s:.iid the lawyer. "I dici mther not. The.y were not fit word.!> to tell a gentleman." "Then," said the a.ttorney, "whispher them to the judge." - (2,500 Jokes For All Occrulion.sl Perfume salesgirl: "You've gottii. keep changing. They build you an immumty to them." - Charles Skiles - King Features The mini;;tur to drive home a point about the punishment due to wicked people in hell ended his sermon with the following: "And there will be quasliing of teeth in hell" . . but an old man stood up, "how about me, I ain't got no teeth." The minister answered, "Don't you won·y, you will be provided with." 1 DOUBLE JEOPARDY lContini1ed from }J(tge 6!D fundamental constitutional guaranty to the contra.ry, the accused is placed twice in jeopardy for the same offense. It is, therefore, 11.:ell reco9nized that /he doctrine of donble jeopardy is predicated 11pon considerntWn of public policy which volicy has become its ult.fouite and fundamental ba.11i11. (underscot'ing ours.) For that rea.son no legal impediment exists to apply to the military establishment the prevailing view that "if the jury, after it has been duly sworn, is discharged before it has rendered a verdict, a second prosecution for the same offense is thtreby barred, since to permit it to proceed would be to place the d~fendant twice in jeopardy.''2& The rulings dis~ussed above violate the democratic ideals of equal justice under the Constitution, which is the embodiment oi all high hope:; and aspirations of free men. That Constitution is applicable to all regardless of race, creed, or .color, whatever their station in life may be. By that token, there are no such things as one plea of douhle jeopardy for civilians and another for military personnel. The fact that the military personnel are often exposed to inconvenience insofar as the administration of justice is concerned, means that the broadCI' meaning of double jeopardy should apply to their case. After all, it i.s the prevailing view in the American courts vf justice which the Philippine " courts have traditionally followed As it applies to the civilians, there is no reason to deny it to the military personnel. thing is done as regards a nrnnicip&I market or ferry. But what is meant is the whole ferry, the whole market or the entire slaughterhouse and not any portion or any fractional part of the space therein. When a municipality itself administers a market, then under ihl authQrity regulate the use thereof, it may distribute and award spac<>s therein to be occupied by stores and stall~ ~nder conditions and regulation!> it may impoi:;e, but not by public bidding. Otherwise, the with the great number 'lf stalls, numbering hundreds or even thousands, depending upon the size of the market, some stalls or spaces measuring only by a few square feet or square meters, public bidding would entail too much unnecessary proceedings and would result in unnecessary rivalry and competition betw~en numerous parties and also differences in rate and amount of rent paid for the stalls instead of a i:;imple uniform rate based only on the space occupied. It is therefore, clear that on legal grounds the stand taken by the appellant is "untenable.''127 127 Lorenw et al va. Mun. Council o( Naie. Cavitc 0. G., 2360·23G3. THE LAWYERS JOURNAL Febl'Uary 28, .1954 J
Date: 1954
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