Jokes
Media
Part of Green and White
- Title
- Jokes
- Language
- English
- Year
- 1930
- Rights
-
- Fulltext
- Lawyer: Can you tell me if the ddendant was expensively garbed? Negro Witness: 'Deed she was sah. Ah knows expensiv,e garbage when Ah sees it. * * * Peewit: Did you say my head was "solid ivory?" Dismuke: No, indeed. I merely remarked that you carried more osseous matter above your shoulders than any other man I had ever "I want a nice picture for a wedding pre- met. sent." Pee wit: Oh, that's different. "Yes, madam; here is one very- suitable'The .Approaching Stotim'." * * * May: The photographers never do me jusbice. Ray: You want mercy, not justice, dear. * * * "Tojm,': said Bill, as he caught up with him on the way back to the hunting lodge, "are the rest of the men out of the woods yet? ''Yes.'' "And are the six of them quite safe?" "Yes, quite safe,'' said Tom. "Then,'' said Bill, his chest swelling, ''I've shot a deer." * * * Moe: Have you any close relations? Jose: Yeah, all of 'elm. * * * Dinner: Waiter, what do you call this stuff? Waiter: Mock turtle soup, sir. Diner: Well, I think it's carrying mockery a bit too far. * * * "Hey, Joe," yelkd the executioner as he strapped the flapper murdere~ in the chair, "hook up the extra generator. It takes a lot to shock this young,zr generation." * * * Gershrwin: Where do all those blown-out auto tires go to in the end? Bundscho: I don't know, but if they go where most drivers consign them there must bz a terrible smell of burning rubber somewhere. * * * Landlady: The coffee, I am sorry to say, 1s P.xhausted, Mrs. Smart. Boarder: Ah, yes, poor thing! I was expecting that. I've noticed for sOltlle time that it has been growing weaker. * * * MacTavish: That's a fine building for ye. What dae ye think o' it? Almerican (visiting Scotland): Say, that's nothing. We've got hundreds of buildings like that but bigger and better. MacTavish: Ay, I expect ye have. That's an asylum. * * * Poet: Dash it, the baby must have thrown that last poem of mine in th2 fire! His Wife: Don't be absurd, Henry. The little dear can't read yet. * * * Lum Bago: I told the cook to prepare the fowl so that it would tickle my palate. Addie Noyd: Did she obey? Lwm Bago: Yes; she left half the feathers on. * * * Why 1s an interesting book like a toper's nose? · Becaus,2 it is read to the very end. Whsn you put on your stockings, why are you sure to make a mistake? Because you put your foot in it. * * * What is that which no one wishes to have, yet no one wishes to lose? A bald bead. 232 GREEN AND WHITE . _______ ::::.=-:::::..:-=-=-=--------- - .. --------What musical k:~ys should a man study when he is walking on ice? C sharp or B flat. * * * When is a bald-headed man apt to be reminded of his youthful days? When he thinks of his top. * * * What is a husband's promise about giving up tobacco apt to end in? Smoke. * * * What is the difference between a tight boot and an oak tree? One :makes acorns, the other makes corns ache. * * * Which is the most ancient tree? The elckr tree. * * * What is that which makes everything v1s1ble but is itself unseen? Light. When is a book like a prisoner in the States of Barbary? When it is· bound in Morocco. * * * What is that which divides by uniting and up.itf.s by dividing? Scissors. * * * What is the difference between a man struck with almazement and a leopard's tail? One is rooted to the spot and the other is spotted to the root. * * * What is it that which has a mouth but never speaks, and a bed but never lies in. it? A river. * * * Why was a defeated candidate after the late"; election, like the earth? Because he was flattened at the poles (polls). * * * Why is a qmel a very pugnacious animal? Because he always has his back up. * * * When is a soldier not half a soldier? When h.~ is in quarter. For School Publications Our Specialty 1st Class J9b -SERVICEREAsoNABLE RATES Making pictures-designs-- cuts--for all illustrating and advertising purposes -is our business ACME ENGRAVING MAKERS OF FINE CUTS · Tel. 2-32-70 721 Calero